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HOW TO GET HER

MORGAN EVANS

2025

Hello Dan, it's Joe here
I hope you're keeping well
It's the 21st of December
Now they're ringing the last bells

If I get good behavior
I'll be out of here by July
Won't you kiss my kids on Christmas Day?
Please don't let 'em cry for me

I guess the brothers are driving down from Queensland
Stella's flying in from the coast
They say it's gonna be a hundred degrees, even more maybe
That won't stop the roast

Who's gonna make the gravy now?
I bet it won't taste the same
Just add flour, salt, a little red wine
Don't forget a dollop of tomato sauce
For the sweetness and that extra tang

And give my love to Angus, and to Frank and Dolly
Tell 'em all I'm sorry, I screwed up this time
And look after Rita, I'll be thinking of her
Early Christmas morning when I'm standing in line

I hear Mary's got a new boyfriend
I hope he can hold his own
Do you remember the last one? What's his name again?
Just a little too much cologne

And Roger, you know I'm even gonna miss Roger
'Cause there's sure as hell no one in here I wanna fight

Praise the baby Jesus
Have a Merry Christmas
I'm really gonna miss it
All the treasure and the trash

And later in the evening
I can just imagine
You'll put on Junior Murvin
And push the tables back

And you'll dance with Rita
I know you really like her
Just don't hold her too close
Oh, brother, don't you stab me in the back

I didn't mean to say that
It's just my mind it plays up
Multiplies each matter turns imagination into fact
You know I love her badly

She's the one to save me
I'm gonna make some gravy, I'm gonna taste the fat
Tell her that I'm sorry, yeah, I love her badly
Tell 'em all I'm sorry, and kiss the sleepy children for me

You know one of these days, I'll be making gravy
I'll be making plenty
I wanna pay 'em all back

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